He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
