she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
