We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I will be naked everywhere
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
