The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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