Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
