i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Randomize
