I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Randomize
