that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
