..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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