Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
me + whiskey = a bad person
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
