Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
