i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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