Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
