So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
This girl is more easily done than said...
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
