When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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