Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
