I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
