I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize