Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
