So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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