but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
