is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
