i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize