I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
