i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I understand Curling. That high.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
