I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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