if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
