its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
