he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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