remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
