I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
