and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
