i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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