also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
