i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
