We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
