you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
