i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
