I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
