wrigley field is MILF paradise
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Randomize
