So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
