My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
