Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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