already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
