ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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