My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Randomize
