i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
