Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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