So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
