My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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