It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Randomize
