p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
