Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
