You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
