God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize