i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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