saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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