She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
