I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
